The Importance of Family

If there’s one thing that’s a rare commodity in this world, it’s true and loyal friendship. It’s rare because a lot of people don’t understand how to be a good friend and sometimes we don’t know how to pick our friends. I’ve been on both sides of this spectrum, and I’m blessed to say that I have four best friends I’ve been close to for over eight years, six girlfriends from college that stood by my side in EVERY situation, and six girlfriends that I met in Morocco who I consider my sisters. These women have ALL taught me valuable lessons about myself, picked me up when I was down, called me out on my bullshit when I was wrong and would give me the clothes off their backs if need be. They are the type of friends I’d go to war for. Friends that help you grow and progress to be a better person everyday are blessings that we should not take for granted. Periodt!

This past weekend, I visited my best friend of nine years, Ashley, in Montreal. We met in the ninth grade and she eventually moved to Canada half way through the school year. We kept in contact almost every day, and whenever she came back to Philadelphia to visit her family, we’d go to concerts together, have lunch at Qdoba, have sleep overs, go shopping, we did everything we could together. This woman is particularly important to me because, while I was still in college, she was the only person who visited me. I would beg my family to come visit me at least once, especially when I felt alone during “Parents weekend”, and it hurt me, every year, when no one came. She was the only person who visited me. That’s how I knew that she was more than a friend.

Last year I visited her in Windsor, Ontario at her university and traveled 15 hours via greyhound to spend my entire spring break with her. This year I traveled two hours via greyhound, to meet her in Montreal. For those of you who may not know, Vermont is on the border of Canada and Burlington is 2 hours away Montreal. So, it’s really easy to spend a full day in Montreal if anyone wanted to. I purchased my greyhound tickets about 3 days before my departure for $78 round trip, and left immediately after work. I was supposed to leave Burlington at 8:05pm and arrive to Montreal by 10:35pm, but my bus was delayed and didn’t pick me up until 9:45pm and I arrived at 11:30pm. Montreal resides within Quebec, so everything is in French but a lot of people are bilingual. I can honestly say that visiting Montreal for the first time made me want to learn french this summer so when I go to Paris again in 2020 I’ll be able to speak the language just a little bit.

Ashley, her father and siblings picked me up from the greyhound station around 12am (their flight from Toronto landed at the same time my bus arrived) and I was greeted by Ashley running and jumping on me, screaming and hugging me outside in the rain (we haven’t seen each other in over a year). She was in town for the weekend for her grandfathers 80th birthday! so her family from all around Canada flew in to Montreal to celebrate. We stayed with her aunt in Lasalle and stayed up until 2am eating, talking and laughing, then went to bed around 3am.

In the morning, we all woke up and had a conversation about toxic masculinity, the LGBTQA movement, biblical meanings, gender roles, societal norms and colonialism; you know, normal conversation. Around 11am, I met her other Aunt, uncle and twin cousins who were all very nice. When Ash was about 15 or 16, her aunt took her on a tour of Europe which I was sooooo jealous of back then. She went to Milan, Barcelona and Paris and took a tour of France, went shopping and visited the fashion districts and hubs. So this particular aunt I already knew and she knew me when we were introduced. It felt somewhat like a reunion.

Around 12pm, Ashley and I left for McGill via public transit. one of my favorite things to do when I travel is catch the trains and roam all around the city. I love it in other countries because some trains are actually clean, spacious and easy to understand. I’ve rode the trains in Paris, Barcelona and Shanghai and rode the monorail (travels from city to city) in again, Shanghai and Morocco. My next plan is to ride the EuroRail one day throughout Italy and Paris. Fingers crossed!

We decided to go shopping in a mall that happened to be under a Cathedral, which was really weird. I was told that when people in Quebec say they’re going to “church” they may actually mean they’re going shopping. I found this saying hilarious, because I’ve never in my life heard of a underground mall beneath a Cathedral! One thing that stood out to me is that Montreal is very similar to Paris. Specifically speaking, the underground mall reminded me of the Les Halle which is a mall that goes about 5 floors underground in Paris. There were also some pastries, water companies and juice/soda companies in Montreal that I saw during my time in Morocco, which makes sense because Morocco was colonized by the French and small pieces by the Spaniards. So I oddly felt like I was home in this small city because I witnessed so much of what I saw not only in Paris but in Morocco.

The real family fun happened around 4pm during the family photo shoot. I learned that her grandfather came to Canada from Ghana, alone, and later met a woman who was from the same tribe as him. This woman, til this day, is STILL friends with Ashley’s grandfather and basically his sister. Later, her grandfather got married to Ashley’s grandmother and they had 3 kids together, and then their kids had 7 kids altogether. Ashley’s grandmother and grandfather were married for 47 years and created a beautiful family that oozed of intelligence, success and culture. In the family pictures, they all wore an item of clothing that was brought back from Ghana. Words can’t explain how beautiful each item was, so here’s a few candid’s from the photo shoot below.

I couldn’t help but smile as I watched her family smile and laugh with one another. It reminded me of my family. So loving, so generous, so caring and welcoming. So bright and funny and gentle (sometimes) and inspiring! It made me appreciate having this family away from my family and I had so much gratitude during the entire trip. At the end of the night, we all went to the birthday dinner at a restaurant. Ashley walked around and greeted her family and family friends she recognized growing up. Some people introduced themselves to me and we had small conversation before dinner began.

After we were given bread for the tables, we were served smoked salmon with capers and feta cheese (amazing combo by the way). Then we had lentil soup (another amazing dish). Fun fact, I hated Lentils while I was in Morocco, and this was my first time actually eating them and I immediately fell in love. We then ate a small salad before the main dish came out. Ashley and I had the salmon and a full bottle of red wine while everyone else ate steak and water. Ashley gave a small speech dedicated to her grandfather about his will and strength and how she remembers him eating peanuts in the living room and having grey hair on his arms growing up. Other people stood up and gave their blessings and happy birthdays to him as well. We sung happy birthday, danced a little bit, ate cheese cake, and laughed throughout the night. After our bottle of wine ran out, Ash and I drank a cup of coffee and headed back to the apartment.

In the morning on my bus ride back to Burlington, I realized that I learned so much from my new family. I learned that the tribe they’re apart of , follows the line of the woman rather than the man. For example, in the states, children traditionally take their fathers last name and that’s the legacy they carry on. But, in Ghana, you carry your mothers legacy. Not specifically your mothers last name, but you’re known by your mother. I also learned about slavery within Africa and how people of some tribes in Ghana are mixed with other tribes due to slavery. So, many people don’t actually know which tribe they’re truly from. I also learned that Ashley’s family stems from royalty, and while they have no immediate royal power, they still have royal blood pumping through their veins. I learned so much about my best friend and who she really is this weekend. Leaving, I didn’t say “goodbye”, instead I said “see you later” and exchanged hugs and farewells.

All in all, I felt super blessed this weekend. My mother had a best friend who today is my God Mother and her family is my God Family. They consider me their cousin, niece and grand daughter. I call my God siblings my actual brother and sisters and have claimed them since they were born. They include me in family dinners, vacations and outings and my God mother is the woman who taught me how to be a woman after my mother died. She even booked my first gynecologist appointment when puberty decided to alter my life. She’s been my family and have been before my life was even thought of! I am so blessed to not only have my family, but to also be apart of Ashley’s family and I’m am more than excited to once day have a child that will be raised by the same type of village that once raised me. This is why friends are important! They take care of you and grow WITH YOU and that type of love sticks with you. Thank you to my large extended family for always being there. My family in Canada, Morocco, Malaysia, Nashville, Portland, Houston, Dallas and Philadelphia for pushing me. You will forever have my love!